i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
