Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
