Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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