Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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