did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
