i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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