WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
