im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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