feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
