At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
