I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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