It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
