Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
