That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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