this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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