There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
