Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
