I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
