No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
