Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
