Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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