Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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