i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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