Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I checked into jail on foursquare
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
