Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I party with great urgency now.
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