I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
