Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
