yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
