I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
