hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish there were birth control emojis
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
