Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
