like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
