He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
