Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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