Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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