It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
