shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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