google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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