dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
