I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
