And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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