I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
