She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
