We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
