You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
