Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
