I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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