Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
