turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
