I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
