That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
