I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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