living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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