i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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