And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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