Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
