I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
